Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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