Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
