Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
