operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven