If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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