i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.