what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
