I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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