I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
