I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
