you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
