How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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