How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
