I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
