Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
