So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My vagina is officially offended.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
