So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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