remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
