you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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