I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
