It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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