So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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