Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize