woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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