I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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