Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
