I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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