so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
