I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
