just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
