i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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