In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
