I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
