I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
