i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
