he thought i was a dude.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
