Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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