Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
