Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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