What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
