he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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