If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
