I'm lost and stupid without you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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