tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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