just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
