hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
