Your dad touched me again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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