Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
