By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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