You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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