Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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