The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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