I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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