Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
