i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
