dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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