the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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