Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
