I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
