party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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