I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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