I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
