do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
