I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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