My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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