who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
