I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
