Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
