I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
