I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
