It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
