my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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