I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
