Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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