I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
