just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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